Yesterdays

"... the map I’ve called my instincts
proved to be a lousy guide..."


I feel I’m coming… to a crossroads…
and I don’t like what I see.
Piss-poor decisions,
bad investments,
the choices made are haunting me.
I stand here all alone…
in the maelstrom called my life,
I did not get a manual of wrong
compared to right,
I feel complete abandon and
I cannot make the sense,
of what is coming closer because
of empty confidence,
so I’ll take another stroll along the path
that stirs and sways
and try to fight the pain of yesterdays.

I feel I’m coming… to the harvest…
and I’m reaping what I’ve sown.
Hurt delivered,
the lives I’ve damaged,
to the degree I’ve trashed my own.
The family and friends…
that I believed in disappeared,
the ones that have trusted went away
just as I feared,
those I should have cherished got
ignored and pushed aside,
the map I’ve called my instincts
proved to be a lousy guide,
so I’ll keep moving in and out and
meander through this maze
and try to fight the pull of yesterdays.

I feel I’m coming… to the edge now,
and a gulf I can’t surpass.
Desperation…
hopeless spirit,
loneliness present and past.
I cannot wrap my mind around…
how I ended up with this,
the future of my youth that
dissipated in the mist,
Can’t escape the fear of the anguish
that’s in store,
and the thought that every sunset
will repeat the one before,
so I’ll muster up the courage as
I approach another phase
and try to fight the loss of yesterdays.

Original Copyright © 2007 Stone Bryson. All Rights Reserved.
Written December 2007
About Stone...
Known in many (albeit small) online circles over the past 15 years, Stone Bryson is a poet, storyteller, and essayist. He is working on various writing projects, and lives what he describes as an 'analog life.' He resides in Jackson County, Missouri.

Sign up for e-mail updates